My buddy

As I write this, Duke is laying at my feet...snoring and farting as if he never had been diagnosed with cancer.

But he has it...Stage III Malignant Melanoma.

Back in June, he had a tumor removed from his mouth, and thus began the frantic scramble to find a solution.

Duke and I went to Blue Pearl in NYC and met up with Dr. Lachowitz who laid out a load of options. The thing that sucks is...I couldn't afford any of it. Not while I'm living paycheck to paycheck trying to support my family.

Doc L suggested I meet with a surgeon to discuss a radical surgery....We talked about the DNA vaccine...We discussed radiation therapy...We discussed all possible combinations fo treatements...We discussed doing nothing and managing Duke's pain when it got there.

It killed me that I couldnt afford any of it...not one damn thing. The closest thing I could do was to begin the inital treatments of the DNA vaccine. Even then, I needed financial help. At about $985 a shot, I was taking food out of my son's mouth...I couldnt do that either.

Through the blessings of my sister I was able to start Duke on the DNA regimen....She helped out with the money for it..(seems she's been saving my ass for most of my life). He had 4 shots in 2 months...Fingers crossed and hoping for the best...My Duke and I rode off into the sunset. I didnt have delusions of grandeur...I knew that there was no "cure." But I had hope...and Duke didn't have any signs of the cancer returning...We (me and him) had hope.

6 months later....the tumor's back...and growing...

I don't want to remove half of Duke's face...I don't want him to be puking and sick from chemo...but what can I do?

He looks like he's storing grapes for the winter.

He's in no pain....he eats...he sleeps, poops, and pees like normal. He let's me pet his muzzle where the tumor is...He still gets crazy for his walks....

But he's dying. I know it...I think he might know it too.

I told him one night during the summer...that we'd fight it. Together. That I'd do everything I could to help him.

But I've failed him...

When times were dark....I mean, REALLY dark for me. I sat alone in this (then) empty house, surrounded by my demons. But Duke didn't care about all that...He just wanted to be near me. One night, after I'd drunken myself to anguished tears...I sat on the floor. Duke, came up...sat right next to me...and put his big, stinky, corn chip smelling paw on my arm. He lay down on his belly and just put his head on my lap.

He didn't bug me for food...didnt bug me to go out....he just sat with me. His fur was soaked with my tears by the end of that night...but he just stayed there...not sleeping...just watching me.

We went out for our walk the next morning...and when we came back home, I couldn't bring myself to go back into that empty house....so I sat out on the stoop and watched the sun come up. He sat right next to me and sighed....

Now we're facing a sunset of a different sort, and I find that steeling myself for the decision that all pet owners dread; just isnt working.

But he's still there...right next to me.

blinker-2416

blinker-2416, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

He ALWAYS does this once he sees the camera come out

Do I look like I haz cancer?

Duke, somewhat mysteriously, has lost "the smell." That cancer, death smell that he had when the tumor came back. Not sure what that means...

I don't think the old boy cares about the cancer....Not when it was a lovely, sunny fall day outside...

What do you think?

Pretty sure that once the child has turned one parent against the other....that's pretty much a failure as a parent.

Stark? a Giants fan?

Go figure...Wouldn't have pegged Tony Stark for a Giants fan...

Speaking of little sisters...

Here's Momo...she's quite a lady...eating everything in sight...chasing the bigger boys around the yard...barking at nothing and everything...

She's coming along nicely...I think.

Yoshi

So we've had this little mug for about 4 (ish) months now. He's had to deal with a new house...a much larger, and much older, brother...getting sick....getting better...going on vacation...and a new little sister.

But somewhere along the way....he seems to have lost his face...

I guess we really need to get him a haircut...

The "smell"

When Duke had his large tumor in his mouth...he developed some really rockin bad breath. This went beyond the usual occaisional doggie halitosis. After the tumor was removed he lost it. He had normal, odor free breath. Sometimes it smelled sure, but usually like what he had just eaten.

But now...along with the tumor...the smell is back. Now we know it as the smell of cancer...the smell of decay...of illness....of death.

I've found a way to satisfy my nerd cravings while still keeping it somewhat under wraps.

I've repurposed The Woman's discarded Nook color...loaded it up with the N2A Android SD card...loaded a few apps onto it..and have a decent little tablet.

But...more importantly...I can keep all my nerd boy Star Wars novels on it and read 'em almost anywhere, without anyone knowing what a huge fuckin' nerd I am...

Ahh...junk food...iced coffee....and nerd culture....

A good way to start any morning.

Momo

This little one is a heartbreak in the making. She was rescued from a mill, placed into a home that gave her Prozac (@ a little over 7 weeks)...got kennel cough, which then turned into pneumonia...THEN was returned to a rescue group.

We took her home, and she's been steadily gaining strength. Her Vet bills however, are rivaling that of Duke's.

But she's a keeper...you just can't say no to that face.

Cancer Dog...got a tumor growing back (very, very, small). We found out on the August 31st during the examination for his DNA vaccine shot.

Although, Duke seems stronger and more "alive" than ever. Sure, he's old and he slows down like all old dogs. But, he seems more aware...more "Duke" than he's been in a while.

He actually delights when he steals the puppies' chew sticks...In fact, I caught him prancing around with a prized possession of Yoshi's in his mouth. I didn't reprimand him for taking it...I just let him enjoy the moment.

And with that...I just want him to enjoy the time he's got left with us. With me. I don't want to cut up his face...or blast him with radiation. I want his time left to be good, not painful...I don't ever want him to think that he's not loved...or broken.

Plug One drives a...HONDA ACCORD?

That's not very HipHop....

That's not very DeLa....

Nothing to see here...move along.

yoshimomo-1713, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

So I got a pup...rather...WE got pups...

Yoshi...who I think is on the bottom here...and Momo,

Yoshi is an 8 month (?) Yorkie. Total bully..trying to assert himself as alpha dog...

Momo is a 12 week old Morkie mix. She came to us kind of sick but seems to be bouncing back rather nicely...as evidenced by her getting the upper hand here.

Duke, as always, remains unimpressed....and while this was taken, he remained in the shade...

mannequinns-1285

mannequinns-1285, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Seen downtown somewhere after many beers.

deguzmante-1344

deguzmante-1344, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

deguzmante-1331

deguzmante-1331, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

This has to be one of the most connected, and instagrammed/hipstermatic-ized/foursquared/facebooked/tweeted events I have ever gone to....

But it was fun...and these two...well...they're awesome.

deguzmante-1303

deguzmante-1303, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

I hate being short at weddings.

Gail

deguzmante-1298, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Every so often an event comes around to bring old friends back together. This time around, it was my friend Gail, who, if you haven't guessed by now...has gotten herself married.

There isn't a luckier guy in the world right now.

Congrats to you both Gail and Ben

duke watches tv too-1243

duke watches tv too-1243, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Ever since the summer, Duke's been spending a lot more time in the AC'd tv room.

Only recently, however did he pick up actually WATCHING tv while he's in here.

ultimatedoggymachine-1275

ultimatedoggymachine-1275, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Most people buy BMW's for the status and prestige. Crap, I say.

I like the way my BMW drives....oh yeah...and how it hauls these two around.

I miss my little slice of beach

OBX1 2012-0898, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

For a week...This was the view I woke up to. I kind of miss it...

food thief-1185

food thief-1185, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

And people wonder why my Dukie doesn't particularly like Yoshi.....

yoshiwatchespuppies-1207

yoshiwatchespuppies-1207, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

He does this on Saturdays....after stealing Dukie's food...

Good thing Yoshi's cute...

busfeet-1213

busfeet-1213, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Derecho 07.26.2012

Derecho 07.26.2012, a set on Flickr.

Makes me wish I had an SLR that was capable of video...was very impressive looking....

More bark than bite for most...which was a good thing....

nycsummer2012-1212

nycsummer2012-1212, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

caught ya lookin'

[#133 explored] dog and the yawn effect

[#133 explored] dog and the yawn effect, originally uploaded by kingamesaros.

This is an awesome BW conversion...had to share.

OBX 2012, Day One.

OBX 2012, Day One., a set on Flickr.