Post shovelling workout

Post shovelling workout, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

I sure do love me some ramen after dealing with two days of straight snow/shovelling

57 of 365: The View down the street

57 of 365: The View down the street, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

56 of 365

56 of 365, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Chewie & Leia

Chewie & Leia, originally uploaded by Official Star Wars Blog.

Vader & Irving

Vader & Irving, originally uploaded by Official Star Wars Blog.

brilliant

wtf

First words this morning: "Erick, the basement's flooding"

First words when I got home "Did you get my email? The recycling's full, can you put it in the garage?

Whatever happened to the simple: "Hello, how was your day?" Even if disingenuous, goes a long way towards civility.

and since this is a picture blog...how we "used" to be.

54 of 365-1100

54 of 365-1100, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

I love...

I love New York

I love BMWs of all types.

Therefore, I love these NYC bus ads and billboards that are starting to show up everywhere in this town

 

I shot this with a NOS Pentacon 135 f2.8 M42 preset lens on a DVD Technik chipped adapter. Camera was a Canon 5D mk1

Processing in Lightroom

53 of 365- How I feel

53 of 365- How I feel, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

*whew*

This weekend the boy had his birthday party...so, I shot that.

Then, we went to Chinatown in NYC and took in the Lunar New Year Parade...shot that...about 8GB worth.

Gonna give a go at a full Lightroom workflow all of these.

But ya know what really gets by goat? When people just assume that whatever you shoot in camera should be what they get. I mean, to a point, they're correct, but when you shoot in RAW its a whole new ball game.

The Woman for instance loved this little edit in Lightroom/Photoshop that I did:

But she doesn't seem to understand that I didn't SHOOT it this way. She doesn't understand WHY it takes me so long to get the pictures to her right away

It's kind of like having a deadline for a publication...except I'm not getting paid for it. OR getting published. I thought this was supposed to be a hobby....wasn't this supposed to be fun?

47 of 365: snow (again)

47 of 365: snow (again), originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

okay, my postings are a bit out of wack, but then again, so is everything else in my life.

I only just now got around to "developing" it in Lightroom ( a gift from my sister). Its a wonderful program and quite snappy even on my low rent Vista machine.

One thing it IS pointing out to me is that my current workflow is absolutely horrendous. I really need to find a way that works a bit better for me.

my life just gets better and better

V1's reaction to a correction in his behavior: "I'm just trying to see something, but you're always bothering me. You've been bothering me all day..."

I came home late from work. I've been home for about 2 hours.

Neither he, nor Bravo1 looked up from what they were doing when I came home. A distinct contrast to how things were about 3 years ago.

Just before this: Bravo1 asked me why were late on the utility bill again. I told her that she asked me to keep money in the bank account to cover both V1's Catholic school tuition and for his birthday party at some kiddie indoor park. I was then chastized for blaming her.

Great.

Why do I even bother coming home sometimes?

So...

I've realized that in my quest and obsession with the process of NOT smoking, I haven't shot a frame, nor picked up the camera. I've been lugging the ol' 5D with the *old* Brick around almost daily, but haven't had the wherewithal to actually remove the camera from the bag.

I find my hands reaching into my pockets looking for a pack of smokes that isn't there. Or twirling the lighter around...

I've sold a lens to afford to send the Boy to school...I've sold other gadgets to make ends meet. I've loaned out some cool lenses (like my bastardized Nikkor/EOS hybrid) to people that can actually shoot and make an image.

The creative malaise is still around I guess. Still haven't been able to snap out of it. But I do have this:

 

But it's still not a cigarette.

I will get it together soon...I promise. Until then....

cigarette

cigarette, originally uploaded by lanier67.

This is not my picture...but oh how I miss this....

Great...just frakkin' great....

I'm not smoking...nor am I having any kind of sex. I'm cranky...REAL CRANKY.

43 of 365: OWW

43 of 365: OWW, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

The Boy done fell down. Nasty looking (but fairly benign) scrape on the forehead. All is well, but it took 3 bandaids to cover the road rash.

He took a spill down 3 steps. I, of course, was blamed for this. Dunno how, but in someone's mind, it was my fault.

I was on the couch trying to get Lightroom 2.3 (awesome) working on my Vista POS laptop (not so awesome).

For some reason, he used his head to prevent a further tumble. While, in this case, reasonably effective, the side effects leave much to be desired.

He's okay though. Just a bit shaken. Once he settled down, he wanted IHOP. Always a good sign.

And I obliged. After all, it was my fault (sarcasm ON).

Playing around with Lightroom

So The Sister gave me Lightroom 2.3 for my birthday yesterday. Its very cool, and I like it a lot, but, there seems to be some kind of registration bug happening. I'm using it with Vista 32 (hold your snickering please).

Here's some test processing with it.

The. Most. Awesome. Birthday Present...

So my sister's boyfriend took my old high-school band's demo tape and remixed it for my birthday...

Its effin awesome...

http://www.jocelyngonzales.net/mix/01-YNL80sSuperMMiX.mp3

41/42 of 365: eeeks @ 38

41/42 of 365: eeeks @ 38, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

So this is what 38 looks like. Well, for me anyway. So what's that mean?

Less hair on the head, more in the nostrils. I've got the same waist size as when I was 28, but I'm filling out the top more. My legs and back hurt more than when I was 30. I've grown older yes, but not necessarily wiser.

Good things: I have a family. I'm a dad. I'm living under a fairly stable home. Sure its old...but then again, so am I. We've got character you see...character.

More good things: I'm not dead yet. My weight is mostly under control as is my blood pressure and cholesterol. I've not yet broken a bone, or had to be hospitalized. That's good right?

I'm living with the woman I've dreamed of for many years. After all our bullshit, we're still together (mostly).

My family, even though we're scattered and intermittently angry/frustrated/crazed, is still MY FAMILY.

I've got a good job and a great team.

I'm quitting smoking for my birthday.

All in all. Its pretty good. It could be better. I could be more patient, understanding..less dour. But its all good.

Thanks Mom and Pop and Joce. And you too Jason. Your presence and absence are felt and acknowledged every day.

Sorry for being such a dick to everyone else, especially Bravo 1 and V1. I love you both more than I'm comfortable to admit.

Photography related...not so much. except for this picture. But hey, is MY birthday and I'll blog what I want to...

(yah okay, corny. sorry. we oldies tend to get that way)

Will there be snacks during Snowpacaplypse?

Will there be snacks during Snowpacaplypse?, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Welcome to Hoth.

Welcome to Hoth., originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Hmmm

Hmmm, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Snowpacalypse 2, the calm before the storm.

Here in NYC, Snowpacalypse 1 was kind of a bust...not expecting much for the Sequel....But I hope Mother Nature proves me wrong. I LOVE snow days.

yep...another day of a whole lotta nuttin...

Today was yet another Monday in a never ending string of Mondays. No different from any other Monday. I awoke with some difficulty and with my usual level of crankiness. I saw The Boy off to school, in itself an accomplishment as I'm still comatose when he gets up.

I think I spoke to The Woman, but then again, I wasn't fully awake, I can't really be sure.

I checked the batteries and loaded up a fresh CF card in the 5D, and headed to the bus stop.

Then...nothing. It was a blur of emails, phone calls, computer troubleshooting, and intern wrangling. The high (low) point of the day was aiding an overpaid, surly, self-important, Australian skate boarder/MMA. Why he has a show is a mystery to me. I'm sure someone thought it was a good idea. But when the material included a 10 minute diatribe on goat-fucking and how he'd like to kill everyone in the halls...I'm not sure that's gonna dig this company out of the doldrums.

When I left, I walked to Port Authority with camera in hand, but I just couldn't bring myself to make an image. I just wasn't SEEING anything. It all looked the same. It all felt the same. It's New York City dammit, there should've been SOMETHING along those 9 blocks right? I'm sure there was, but the point is: I wasn't seeing it.

I'm now in a creative rut. It joins my career rut and personal rut in keeping my financial rut company. My brain is paralyzed by something; by everything.

I've read and reread so many things about trying to kick start your cerebellum in times like these. But right now, I just can't make them stick.

So there is no image in the Project 365 for today. In fact tomorrow, I'm not even going to bother bringing the camera. Maybe I'm just trying to force the issue.

So tomorrow will be the first day in a long while that I don't have the 5D with me. Aliens will probably land in Midtown tomorrow, and I won't have a damn camera. But maybe that's the chance I'll take.

A new chapter

I'm getting ready to write a new chapter here folks...and it's gonna be a doozy.

It's time for my divorce. From Nicotine.

See, we've been together since I was 16 and as all things at that age, it started off innocently. I started smoking in high school for the same reasons everyone else does...'cause it was cool. Hell, I didn't even inhale then.

But that grew into a torrid romance...and eventually into an insipid co-dependent relationship. I'm leaving her on February 12th...So now at the tender young age of 38...I'm calling it quits. Wish me luck.

Here's my lady now...I will treasure these last fleeting days we have together...I will always remember her...

All is not lost

Sometimes, all it takes is one little thing to make me think that all is not lost in my world. One, simple, little act of good can erase all the anger and pain. I spend my days overlooking things like that. But not this day.

This was Friday at The Boy's school....

36 of 365 Max does not approve

36 of 365 Max does not approve, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

34 of 365 Division in Communication

34 of 365 Division in Communication, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

34 of 365 These things happen when I turn my back

34 of 365 These things happen when I turn my back, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Whoa

Whoa, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

Must....resist....urge...to...buy...toys....

Maybe this won't shake out the way I planned

Didn't shoot one frame worth a damn today.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

32 of 365 Easy Come Easy Go

32 of 365 Easy Come Easy Go, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.

This was the proceeds from me selling a lens to a kid. I didn't want to, but the Boy had a private school payment due, and the Woman wants to get her hair did.

I celebrated too....I bought a bag of chips. And lightbulbs.

A question...

Why are most photography blogs somewhat happy? I've read through more than a few and most, if not all, are written by happy people. They're blissfully married, or going on adventures around the world, or shooting the world's beautiful people. Even the ones that I follow that are of a documentary nature, ie: conflict photography, and most recently, blogs covering the Haiti crisis: they all seem to BELIEVE in the fact that their photography will change the world, or bring some hard to look at issues to the forefront.

I'm not happy. And that's showing in my images. I've started a Project 365 at the beginning of the year. I was hoping to make an image a day. A lot of my images are street/urban stuff. But it all sucks.

Why am I unhappy? I'm broke (even though I work a 10-12 hour a day "real job." My GF hates me, even though I've put a roof over her and her son's head. I'm not home enough to forge any kind of meaningful relationship with the boy, because I'm scrabbling for every last hour of overtime I can get.

My job, while cool at first, is just fucking grinding me down. Why am I complaining about the job? I do what my first love was: I record music. I get paid to listen to music...that's a great fucking gig. But I just don't care.

And that is showing up in my images.

Today, I sold a lens I really like. I sold it to a young photographer, just getting started in this crazy world. I love that lens, but I sold it to cover the Boy's Catholic school enrollment. I sold it for a good price, but I gave 97% of it to The Woman.

I bought a bag of chips, lightbulbs, and iced tea. Wow.

The Woman used to greet me with open arms and a warm smile. Now, she doesn't even look up from her computer. We used to hold hands, hug, kiss...make love. But we barely speak. I could come home from work with a gaping head wound, but she'd never know unless I told her....

What does this have to do with photography? I don't know...All I DO know, is that I'm not in the right head space for it. I think I gotta put the camera down and muddle through the quagmire that has become my life. I don't know...I just don't fucking know anymore...

31 of 365 Pentacon smears Times Square

31 of 365 Pentacon smears Times Square, originally uploaded by eeeksnyc.